Violent behaviour is learnt behaviour

Children who are violent may think there is nothing wrong with it. Violence of any kind is wrong and should never be tolerated. If you suspect your child is being violent there are things you can do. Explain to them, gently, that violence is not OK. Find out what is going on for them. Check out also what may be influencing them. Share with your child that feeling angry is OK but being violent is wrong. Talk about issues they may be having at home or school.

Children can learn safe, respectful behaviour if they are helped to understand and express their feelings appropriately; learn to control and take responsibility for their actions: co-operate with others; and know how to trust and feel safe with other people. Non-violent education starts in the home. If you, as a parent or caregiver, need help in knowing how to be a non-violent, positive role model, there are organisations that will help.

Family violence and abuse is generational, leading to destructive behaviours and attitudes; depression, aggression and low self-esteem; alcohol or drug abuse; thinking that ‘living in fear’ is normal; controlling others with violence.

If you ever find yourself in immediate danger, dial 111 and ask for POLICE.

Tell them you are in danger.

Ask for urgent help.

Give your address clearly.

Violent and abuse happens in many ways

Physical – slaps, punches, kicks and weapons

Emotional – making you think you are crazy Verbal – put downs, harassment

Threats – to your safety and the safety of others Isolation – keeping you away from your friends, family and support

Sexual – molestation, rape, coercion

Financial – controlling, dependency Intimidation – living in fear

Neglect – left alone, being cold, not being fed properly, adequate needs not met.

In trouble with the police?

If you are aware, or suspect that your child may be engaging in criminal activity, you can get information and advice. Calling the Police or CYF will not automatically get your child into ‘trouble’, but it may help avoid more serious problems arising later.

You should get assistance from the Police if your young person:

Is assaulting you, or other family members.

Cannot explain their possession of things such as dvd players, ipods, cell phones or items that may be hidden in the house – but ask them first, e.g. they may have purchased them on Trademe.

Is in possession of drugs. If you are contacted by the Police concerning your young person, you have a critical part to play in the process. Kids who persistently re-offend are more likely to have parents who have opted out.

TMAPS [Tauranga Moana Abuse Prevention] is a collective of agencies committed to preventing family violence, including:

Tauranga Police 577 4300

Child Youth and Family 0508 FAMILY [0508 326 459]

Family Works 575 9709

Tauranga Living Without Violence 577 9297

Relationship Services 07 576 2825 or 0800 RELATE or visit www.relationships.org.nz

Tauranga Women’s Refuge 541 1911 

Police Youth Aid are located at Tauranga, Mt. Maunganui, Papamoa and Te Puke Police Stations or contact 577 4300. 

Youth Law have information and resources www.youthlaw.co.nz on a range of issues including dealing with the Police, alcohol, school, bullying.