Teen Power and Control
You would be forgiven for thinking family violence is just about the hitting. It’s not. It is also emotional, psychological and mental through to physical. The Teen Power and Control wheel is a tool used to help people understand the various ways youth may experience family violence or use violence.
Family violence is often difficult for teenagers to talk about because:
- they may feel like they won’t be believed;
- they may be afraid of what will happen to them or to the people involved;
- they may blame themselves;
- they may believe things will get better if they behave better, try harder or change themselves;
- they may have been taught it’s not ok to talk to other people about it;
- they may be threatened.
Some signs that youth are not coping with family violence can include:
- unacceptable behaviour (including violence) at school
- be agitated and aggressive toward other siblings and parents including violent or non-violent aggression
- be withdrawn, lack motivation and they may have low self worth
- start to take on the abusers verbal and physical abusive behaviours, such as standing over others, putting down the other person including the other parent
- have difficulties with sleeping or eating
- find it difficult to do daily tasks including concentrating, time management and they may develop a lessened attention span
- become involved in drugs and alcohol
- develop medical issues such as, high blood pressure and skin problems
- the young person may feel constantly on edge, nervous or fearful
Seeing people they love hurting one another, or being hurt, teaches young people unhealthy relationship skills. They may learn to:
- manage fear and responsibility alone, including the responsibility for others, like siblings. This is a big task for a young person especially when they are taking on the role of an adult and the safety of others without proper experience and understanding.
- hurt or be hurt by those they love because this is what they have seen in their own environment
- protect those they love by keeping quiet about their own sadness and fear juggle hope, juggle blame and juggle love
- prioritise managing ‘today’s problems over tomorrow’s stuff’ like homework, practices or sports games
- ignore messages their body, heart, mind and spirit send them. Later in life they will more likely be drawn to abusive relationships as they have learned to ignore danger signals their body sends them. Reconnecting a person with bodily indicators can take years of learning and often counselling.
Family violence affects teenagers more than you may think. They may:
- Lose the trust that their environment is, can be or will ever be safe
- Develop a lack of contentment – young people may find it difficult to be content in their world and environment.
- Lose the ability to develop a sense of trust in others
- Create an expectation that it is difficult, dangerous or inappropriate to talk about personal things
- Suffer in their health, physical well being, mental/emotional health and relational connectedness
- Lose the ability to form long-lasting friendships and open, loving, trusting relationships.
YOUNG PEOPLE CAN LEARN THAT BEING ANGRY IS OK, BUT BEING VIOLENT OR DIRECTING THAT ANGER TOWARD ANOTHER PERSON IS NOT! Living a Violence Free life is possible, living an anger free life is not.
If you or your teen is experiencing family violence or you’d like to find out more, please call: 0800 456 450
They will put you in touch with agencies that can assist you.
IF YOU NEED IMMEDIATE HELP BECAUSE YOU ARE IN DANGER AT ANY TIME CALL 111
For further information you can call the
Youth Advocate for Youth who Experience Family Violence:
Sylvia Powell (Youth Advocate) Family Works at the Hillier Centre 31 Gloucester Road Arataki 07 5759709 027 5112451
Family Violence and Abuse is not just about the hitting! Below is a diagram of The Teen Power and Control wheel.
This is a tool used to help people understand the various ways youth may experience family violence or use violence.
Do you recognise anything in the segments of this wheel?
